Emotion Regulation 1.19: All Together Now

All Together Now

Almost three weeks ago, we began looking at 19 skills to help you manage your emotion so that you can more effectively engage in all your relationships. We looked at seven mindfulness skills, five distress tolerance skills, three interpersonal effectiveness skills, and four emotion regulation skills. All of the skills are intended to serve the grand skill of wisdom…or wise mind, as some call it.

Here’s a handy dandy chart so you can have them all in one place:

Core Mindfulness Skills

1. Wise Mind: Reasonable (Logical) Mind / Emotional Mind / Wise Mind
2. Observe: Just notice; attach to nothing, push away nothing, be alert to your thoughts and feelings without reacting to them
3. Describe: Put words on experiences; JUST THE FACTS! Only describe what you know
4. Participate: Just do it; throw yourself into it
5. Non-judgmental Stance: Don’t judge others or yourself as good/bad, worthy/unworthy, fair/unfair
6. One-mindful: Be right here right now, do one thing at a time, let go of distractions
7. Effectiveness: Do what works, play by the rules, let go of vengeance, anger and who/what is right or wrong or what’s fair or unfair

Distress Tolerance Skills (Crisis Management/Survival Skills)

8. Distract: with Activities, Contribute to others, Compare to others or a worse time, create Emotions, Push away bad thoughts, one Thought and feel Sensations
9. IMPROVE the moment: Use Imagery, Meaning, Prayer (serenity), Relaxation, Once crisis at a time, Vacation, and Encouragement
10. Self-soothe: with Vision, Touch, Taste, Hearing, Smell (create a self-soothe kit)
11. Pros and Cons: Of using your skills while making an important decision
12. Radical Acceptance: Freedom from suffering requires acceptance from deep within; doesn’t mean approve; accept reality as it is, even if you hate it

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills (Assertiveness Training)

13. Objective Effectiveness: DEAR MAN (Describe, Express feelings, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate)
14. Keep Relationship: GIVE (be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, use an Easy manner)
15. Self Respect: FAST (be Fair, no Apologies for existing, Stick to values, be Truthful)

Emotion Regulation Skills

16. Reduce Vulnerability: PLEASE (treat Physical Illness, balance Eating, Avoid mood altering drugs and alcohol, balance Sleep, get Exercise)
17. Build Positive Experiences: Do pleasant things that are possible now and will build a life worth living; stay mindful with the positive emotion
18. Build Mastery: Do something that makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel in control and confident
19. Opposite Action: Try things you are afraid of, get active when down; ALL THE WAY


So there you have it! Nineteen skills that you can practice, practice, practice until they become your new default. How about putting your mind to that endeavor for one year, and then evaluating the difference within you next year at this time? If you give it your whole heart, I can guarantee that this year will be one of the hardest but one of the best years of your life in terms of personal well-being. May your wisdom run deep by the end of 2017!




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